OOOooohh sNaP!

Everybody has a break-through week. Some at the very beginning, some it takes longer and they loose their shit @ the very end. I think Week 6 is my brak-down/break-through week.

Yesterday will go down in the teacher training record books for: The day Kat lost her mind.
I was selling front row tickets to the snap show. Very reasonable price (Free).

Yesterday morning was the worst class that I've had here. I was so weak and lazy and ANGRY. I can't remember ever feeling so angry. The internal dialouge going through my head was bonkers.
"this is bull shit, this teacher is the worst ever"
"I don't need this, I don't care, I'm leaving training"
"I'm leaving the room, its too hot"
"I really f*ing hate this teacher, she's so f*ing dumb"
"I'm better then this, just get up and leave the room"

Then once I got up and started leaving the room...

"omg, you idiot, why are you leaving"
"everyones staring at you and knows your weak"
"go back, go back, go back and sit down"
"don't be a pussy, your already standing, theres no going back now"

I left the room for 10 min max then this bitch came out and sent me back into the hot room with no remorse. Then pretty much laid on my back for the rest of the class. I was angry all day and then the night class was my breaking point. My stomach was so huge and hard. I couldn't even suck it in a little. It was resting on my leg in Standing Head to Knee, and spewing over my pants in Seperate Leg Head to Knee. Throughout the class I could feel the bulge in my stomach creeping up my body and I kept telling myself to keep doing to postures so that I would hopefully come out. I was either going to cry, or barf. It didn't really matter because either one of those would allow me to leave the room. Score! Finally, by Camel, I was convulsing on the floor in sobs and left once everyone came out of their second set. All I remember from then on is Niki waiting for my at the doors, hugging her while crying, and then being so overwhelmed that I stumbled into the parking lot in fits of tears and screaming bloddy murder. None of which I had any control over. When I finally came-to Niki was sitting beside me, I had a towel around me, and my neck was cramped from screaming so loud. Once I calmed myself down Niki told me we were sitting on the ramp to the dumpster and there was a massive ant pile right beside us.

I felt totally weird for the rest of the night. Swirling and confussion is all I can think of to describe what happened. I spent the break inbetween class and posture clinic with Niki and Meghan cuddling in bed which was really nice and reasuring.

Today was the day of diareah. My colon in falling out of my ass every 25 minutes or less. I dunno if its something that I ate or just my body reacting and releasing. The smell is undescribable. I feel fine but I can't wait for this to pass.

I'm waiting in anticipation for what tomorrow will bring...