It's that time of year again...

It's that time of year again.. CHRISTMAS!!!!
Tess and I were busy bee's in the kitchen this week making maple gingerbread cookies and discussing important matters regarding the studio... and by serious matters I mean gossip haha! I actually thought it would take us all night but we had the dough made, rolled, baked, and cookies decorated in about 2hrs. I think I'll have to invite Tess over again this week for another cookie making/ gossip fest since Scott and I have consumed an entire container of gingerbread in 4 days.

Every year my cousin, Jen, sends out a family newsletter including the schedule for Christmas Eve and a naughty and nice list which describes in detail whether each family member is naughty or nice and why. The whole family waits patiently in anticipation each year for the newsletter to come out. Rumor has it that Mini Oma, ie. Katie, is taking on the responsibility of the newsletter. Should be interesting... those are some big shoes to fill Katie! I've never been on the 'Nice list', EVER! so my fingers are crossed that this year, with the passing of the torch, that my luck might change and I may land myself on the Nice list.

Scott and I bought our first Christmas tree together today. This is my first Christmas out of my parents house, and Scott's first REAL Christmas tree. We're both super excited. The house smells amazing!

A little standing bow while decorating the tree...

Half moon. Can you tell I'm a yoga teacher?.. and a shameless plug haha

Finally Scott got annoyed of all the yoga pics and made me take a 'normal' picture in front of the tree.

Linda taught her first class today @ 10am. I meant to take the class but I slept in. I pretty much only wanted to take the class to see how I measure up. Not really for the supportive aspect of it haha. I talked to David, our studio owner, later on in the day and he said that her dialogue was incredible...*yawn.. and that she was super confident...*yawn. I was waiting for the punch line when he told me that my class was way better and that I'm a better teacher, but it didn't happen. Obviously. I'm so paro. (paranoid) that Linda's class is going to be better then mine or that more people will want to take her class over mine. It's consuming me. I realize how rude and crazy I sound... and I STILL don't care!

I teach in Toronto this weekend @ the Forest Hill studio which I'm super excited and nervous about. I'm going to be studying my dialogue all week in anticipation of this class. I taught my third class in Hamilton this weekend. My classes are still 100 minutes long and it still feels really uncomfortable and unnatural to be up on the podium. Luckily I didn't have to wear a headset this time. I know that headset is supposed to be fun, but really its just more overwhelming.

Niki got home today. I'm so excited! I need to get to bed so I can be ready to take beginners and advanced class with her tomorrow :)

XoXo

Anxiety sets in -Part 2

I think this was the title of one of my first posts right before I left for training. I haven't checked but as I began writing this post and felt oddly familiar. It's kind of interesting how I experienced anxiety before I left for training and posted about it a week-ish before I left and then, now, a week and a half after I left training I'm experiencing the same feelings of anxious, nervous, stressful energy. My head knows that this is a completely normal feeling to have, but the rest of my body isn't quite sold on it... hence the 6am posting. I've been up since 5am creeping Facebook, checking my bank account balance (then crying), making tea & toast, and reading other yogi blogs.

I remember thinking to myself last week, I could never have imagined being in so much debt- but I've never felt more happy. This week.. not so much. This week is all bills and Christmas gifts and filling up my car when gas is at an insane 105.8/g. This week I'm finding it more difficult to be accepting of my financial situation. Adding to the stress (guilty conscious) even more is that my boyfriend/ roommate/ love of life, Scott, pays for every single bill without asking anything in return. It costs my virtually nothing to live in my 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath town house. I generally believe that there are no problems, only solutions. However, my financials are seriously a problem with no foreseeable solution other than simply time because I work minimum 6 days a week, 8-14 hours a day. I want nothing more then to be a full-time Bikram Yoga teacher but how do full-time teachers make a living and pay their bills?
This is not a rhetorical question. Seriously, I want to know.

Teacher Training ended exactly 12 days ago. In that time I've taken 4 classes. All last week I couldn't figure out why I was so tired. When I was up I felt amazing, but I was losing steam so quickly; feeling like I was ready for bed @ 8pm every night. It's not that I don't want to take class or that I'm sick of it... It's just that I can think of so many other things to do with that 2hrs of my day instead of spending it in a sweaty hot room. Then, on Sunday, after Scott woke me up @7pm from my 2hr 'power nap' and convinced me to get my a$$ to class I was reminded of why I love this yoga. It energizes me, calms my mind, puts things into perspective, relights the flame within, gives me courage, and makes me feel empowered. So... I need to get back to the hot room. If nothing else, to at least preoccupy and busy myself with activities that are both, fulfilling, satisfying, and FREE.

My best friend and cousin, Rebecca, left for Tanzania on Sunday; never to be seen again until next August. I really missed her this week after the Forest Hill studio owner in Toronto, Janice, put me on her schedule. This is a studio that we rave about in Waterloo all the time. It's always a huge treat to practice there and visits are usually made into a whole weekend event. This is also the studio that Rebecca's sister, Lindsay, practices at. Janice has mentored tons of Bikram teachers and many of my favorite teachers have circulated out of her studio. I'm excited and nervous to teach there next Saturday and eager to hear her feedback and suggestions. I think this could also be contributing to my narcolepsy as I've only dreamed of teaching at this studio, on the same level as teachers like Barb, David Mook, Andrea Blakey, Paul McQuillan, Alex Evans, and Teshia Maher. That's a pretty serious line-up of teachers Janice has. Star studded.

I thought sleepless nights caused by stressing over dialogue retention we're over when I left teacher training... not so. I've never felt more exhausted and awake at the same time.

First Class!

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to post! I've been so busy and tired. I started back at the bar on Tuesday night and have been working there everyday on top of teaching and taking class and doing insane amounts of laundry and unpacking. It's still not done.

I have 2 classes under my belt already and it feels amazing! I taught Monday @ 12noon in Hamilton/Dundas and Wednesday @ 6am in Kitchener. I was supposed to teach in Hamilton last night @ 8 but there are so many new people there right now that it was decided that I should just take class as it may be overwhelming to be instructing so many new people. Alex was right. I still went down just to take class since I had never taken Alex's class before and I was so glad I wasn't teaching. 50% of the class was new. I can appreciate being able to simply watch how Alex handled the newbies. Something they always advised at teacher training was "don't hump the newbies, don't poke the crazies". I've never had Alex's class before and she's super dialogue driven and strong. I'm hoping it will inspire me for my following class and that I'll be able to remember some of the things she said in her class and paste them into my own dialogue.

Me in the Hamilton/Dundas studio chillin' with my BYKW peeps before i teach my first class. Lookin' pretty anxious and nervous.

"Good morning everyone. My name is Katrina. I am your yoga teacher"

FIRST CLASS!

So much support from my peers. I'm so blessed and grateful<3

I don't teach at all next week. Everyone's schedules are already filled for November, but December is promising. I'm looking for about 4 classes a week which I think is attainable. I still can't believe that I'm a teacher. It feels so unnatural to walk into the room and continue walking onto the podium instead of onto a mat. Its strange that I'm now teaching the people that taught me and I watched in class to mimic the movements and postures. Every class feels a little better and has more flow. My goal is to get my class down to 90 minutes. Both classes were 100min and 95minutes long. oops!

Here is a hilarious article Tess sent me. I love it because it is so true! It's called 10 Reasons to Date a Bikram Yogi. I sent it so Scott immediately haha. The countdown begins soon for Scott to go to teacher training. TT Spring 2011!!!!!!

XoXo Kat

Day 58: A shortie but a goodie

Yay, TamRock is here @ Teacher Training for the first time since she graduated 1 year and a half ago. This is us at the sign-in desk right before 8:30am class this morning. Nice bags under my eyes eh? Thanks Week 9!

I'm super busy with Demo team and just getting all my group hang-times in before I leave. Can you beleive I'll be home in 4 days!? So much to do. So little time.

Sorry all for ignoring you this week. There's just too much going on. I'll be back in touch when I get back on Sunday. This will likly be my last post until then.

XoXo

Day 56: If you can, you must

I'm still so excited about booking my first class. I can't wait! Alex is so kind to let me teach my first class for her. She's already messaged me about classes in December as well. Awesome eh!

This week is completely different from last week. I know I always say that.. but it is haha. Last week was all focus and energy and crazy concentration.. this week is all sore muscles and ant bites and anxiousness about coming home. Did I mention how excited I am about coming home? 7 MORE DAYS!!! It's so hard to stay present this past week as I am starting to integrate myself back into reality and contact employers and car insurance companies, and cell phone service providers to get everything in order for when I come back home... IN 7 DAYS!!!

This whole week has been all hard classes, then finally we had a class from Raj (Bikram's wife) last night which turned my whole week around. Everyone was working together and strong and focused. Hardly anyone left the room which is always helpful in focusing the energy and minimizing distractions.

Before I forget: HAPPY BELATED 21ST BIRTHDAY TESS!!!!

I made the Demonstration Team this week as well. (not by choice). I heard about tryouts for it but decided I wasn't interested because Niki had told me that demonstrators don't have any free time, its a lot of extra work, and little time to spend with people other then other demonstrators. Well, that didn't sound very appealing to me so I decided to decline...until 2 days later when Niki cornered me about being on the team. And, after a very heated and emotional discussion (more of an order then a discussion), I went back into the room after one of the hardest classes of training, to demonstrate in front of Bikram. He didn't cut me, obviously (I wouldn't be so lucky) and now a practice an extra 2hrs a day in the hot room on top of two 1.5hr beginner classes. I'm trying to find the positive in this situation. Niki wouldn't have challenged me with this unless she saw that I would benefit from it. She always has my best interest in mind. After 3 days of practice I've decided that this experience is an opportunity to practice for competition, lead and set an example for my class, and help me stay present in my last week. Win-Win, right?

After Demo Team practice I met up with my solids, ie. Dan, Alex & Hanna for our last beach weekend. A bunch of other people came out too to meet us and get away from the compound. Although it was windy and chilly we were still able to enjoy and appreciate the company.

The Quad.

I finally got my unoriginal backbend @ sunset picture

Eoin from NYC and I doing a tandem backbend

Pacific Beach, CA

The Quad (Alex, Dan, Hanna & I) + Joe

The night ended with dinner at a Moroccan restaurant in Hill Crest called Kous Kous. It was the best food we've had since we've been here. So flavourful and delicious. The braised lamb shank was unreal. I still can't believe this was our very last Saturday dinner. Look at how much love is in this picture haha.

Tomorrow I'm heading back to the farmers market in the morning for some more persimmons and curry hummus. Then the hotel is hosting the Southern California Asana Competition in the afternoon which I'm so excited for. I LOVE COMPETITION! My friend Niki, who I lived with last year in a basement during Backbending Clinic in Vancouver, is competing. It's been a good weekend so far...but I still can't stop thinking about getting home :)

7 DAYS!!!

XoXo Kat

ps. My first BYKW class is Wednesday November 24 @ 4pm. AAHHHhhhhh!!!!

Day 54: I've never been a pessimist. I never saw much use for it.

FIRST BIKRAM YOGA CLASS BOOKED!!!!!

Where: Bikram Yoga Hamilton/ Dundas
When: Monday November 22 @ 12noon

Details: All my friends and family can take my first class for free!!!

In other news- I made the demo team.

I'll explain later... right now I need to run to class. I just needed to let everyone know right away because I'M SO EXCITED!!!

Day 49: The only thing holding you back is your own imagination

WEEK 7: best week ever!

What a turn around from Week 6. Everything was sunshine and rainbows this week. I cruised through all of my dialogue like a champ and I actually starting to have some fun up there. Crazy right? Who would have thought that teaching yoga would be fun?! We've had amazing weather all week and Orsi was around so we got to hang out a few times by the pool and at night during the week which was really nice. She flew out yesterday afternoon, and on up to Santa Cruz for a week to teach @ a Bikram Studio there.

DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA: Bikram was saying some pretty controversial words in Friday mornings class. I was trying to ignore him and not allow him to steal my peace or my focus but of the few things that stood out to me were "man cannot replace the woman, this is why we have AIDS. It is unnatural. Woman's job is to be a babysitter, mans job is to be in the garage protecting the family" Intense right! Well a lot of people got up and left quietly... but not everyone was as accepting of the separate views. Case-in-point: Pandora from New York. After class as Bikram was walking to the nurses tent to get changed and go back to his room, Pandora approached him and said to his face "You're a fucking ass hole!" with which Bikram replied "Get the fuck out of here. You are the cancer of this training. Go home". She was asked to go to her room and not leave or talk to anyone until the staff had some time to convince Bikram to let her stay. Bikram hasn't forgiven her and still wants her to leave, but Pandora refuses to go... I'll keep you posted on how this suspenseful drama ends.

I really can't believe that there are only two weeks life. 22 more classes. 14 days. 2 more posture clinics. WHOAH. Where has the time gone? This is crunch time now to do all of the things that I've been meaning to do the whole time I've been here but haven't because I figured there was so much time left. Isn't that always how it is? ugh, I hate that.

To Do:

- San Diego Zoo

- Pacific Beach one more time to go surfing and stand up (min. 1 time) on a surf board

- La Jolla beach

- Down Town San Diego to see the St.Diego statue where all North, South, East, West roads meet at in the center of the city

- Original Christmas gifts for the fam

- Take an epic and unoriginal backbend picture on the beach @ sunset for my FB display pic

Last night I went to this amazing concert with Dan, Somona, and Ritz in Del Mar called Dr.Dog. It sounds like a rapper but he's not. The band is out of Philly and I would call the genre Rock. IT WAS SO FUN. This was the first concert i've been to that wasn't mass produced. The venue was awesome and intimate. I'd guess that there was probably 200 people there. We were 10 feet away from the band. Standing room only. My legs were so swollen this morning and my neck hurt a little from the head banging but it was so worth it. I'm so excited to go home and download all of their music!

I woke up this morning with the intention of getting my tan-on by the pool and studying the last 2 postures of the dialogue but then, while waiting for Rena to get off the phone, ran into Dan and decided to go to the farmers market in Hill Crest. WOW is all I can say. This market is so amazing. Everything is organic and all of the farmers are so proud and happy with their products. Everything is local. It's nothing like the St.Jacobs market. Way smaller, but with so much more to offer. Tons of cool scarf and hat stalls, and everything made by hand. None of this overseas cheap 'dumping' of consumer goods like in St.Jacobs.

I discovered persimmons! They are so delicious and only in season for about a month. They grow on trees and when the tree begins to bare fruit, all of the leaves fall off the branches and all that's left is the fruit. Cool eh!

Rena showing Dan and I how to pick a good Persimmon

Dan trying a sample and Rena with her bounty

(Note: if you don't shower for 2 days and take a Bikram class and go to a concert within that time, you can braid your hair without having to use a hair tie) Awesome!

This is a picture for my lovely Scott. I've never seen so many giant artichokes in one place. 3 for $3!!!

You're jealous. Admit it.

MMMMmmmmmm! I got hard ones and soft ones. Both very different tastes. The soft ones are a lot sweeter, but both equally delicious

Dan and Rena eating our purchases on the steps of a church beside the market.

After buying a few things.. raw vegan pesto hummus, curry hummus, roasted tomato hummus + 3 chibatta buns for $13!!! we planted ourselves on some church steps and devoured all of our deliciousness while soaking up some rays. I'm so full, I don't think I'll be eating until tomorrow. I think we sampled from every single vendor. I can't wait to go back again next weekend!

I'll be home in exactly 14 DAYS!!!

Xoxo

Day 42: Surf's up

 First things first. THANK YOU DR.AUSTIN!!!!! I got your camera from Orsi yesterday and went to the beach today and made good use of it. I so greatly appreciate your generosity. The camera is perfect.

This is a picture taken last weekend. I swiped it off of my friend Kyah's facebook. Not the greatest picture of me but nice to beable to see with peeps i've been hangin' with lately.  

Out for Saturday dinner last weekend (Right to left) Alex (NYC), me, Dan (Philly), Ant (Auz), Hanna (Sweden), Michelle (Montreal), Kyah (Auz), Tommy (NYC)

I was able to redeam myself on Friday after that horrible randition of Salabasana- Locust Pose... if you could

 even call it that. I totally let go of myself and ran infront of my demonstrators like an airplane (I was presenting dialogue for Full Locust) and increased my intensity during the climax of the posture and kept on going when I missed a word. I was  brilliant. My best one yet forsure. My homework for the next one is to present the dialouge as a character of my choice. I'm still undecided... I'll let you know how it goes.

This weekend was big! Orsi got here safe and sound and we took morning class together on Saturday and met for lunch and grocery shopping afterwards. I showed her around Hill Crest and the resort. I then spent my afternoon waxing Niki's legs and armpits hahaha. My night ended with Satruday night dinner, as always, with some trainees. We went to a new Thai place. Soooooo good. Amazing Pad Thai.

Today I went SURFING!!! Yes, surfing. It was so scary. I met up with my study-buddies, Dan and Alex, in the morning and we went to Pacific Beach. Dan did some investigating and found that we could rent 3 wet suits and 2 boards from 10am-4:30pm for $50. Dan's the man.

We grabed some delish breakfast on a rooftop on the board walk and studied some dialogue.

Alex and Dan practicing some dialoge and patiently awaiting our breakfast

Dan taught me how to surf. We practiced a few times on my towel and then dove in. We stayed where I could touch and I tried to practice popping up on my board on the white crumble from the waves. I only got up on my knees. I could never get my whole body up. It takes so much upper body strength. I was exhausted before I even tried to ride waves.

At some point through all of this, I don't know how, a rip tide came between Dan and I and I got swept out to sea a little bit. Dan had to back off so that he wouldn't get sucked in too but because I didn't know what a rip tide was I just thought he was getting out because I was doing so well on my own and didn't need him anymore. Littly did I know he was notifying the Lifeguard and yelling at Alex to come help him rescue me from the undertoe.

When I realized that I couldn't touch the sand anymore, that I was farther out then the experienced surfers, and that my hotel our towels and bags we set in front of was about 2 football fields away from me, "your so f*cked" ran through my head. I was trying to ride the waves back in but they were so strong that each one would knock me off my board, suck me under for a few seconds, and then pull me back to where I had just paddled from. My next thought was "where the F* is Dan! I'm going to kill him". After what felt like an eternity of paddling I finally got back in and Dan and Alex were running towards me to help with my board. Dan was very appologetic and explained to me what happened. He felt so bad... but rightfully so, I mean, it would have been really helpful to know that we need to swim sideways to get out of a rip tide!

Dan and I re-enacting the rip tide (near death) situation. Dan giving me the thumbs up so that I don't panic and me reaching out and screaming 'I'm going to get you for this'.

The weather was perfect and I was fine in the end. We're going to go back next Sunday again. I'm really hoping to get on my feet next time.

I feel so bad. I haven't had any time to call to message anyone. I've been so busy and its only going to get worse from now until the end unfortunatly. Dialogue is twice a day now, plus teachers are here to get recertified, and the advanced seminar is going on. There are so many people to see and reconnect with. I feel like everytime I have a second to finally sit down another person is at my door to visit or say hi. Its so amazing, but exhausting. Scott, Mom, please don't be mad. I'l call as soon as I can. I'm just so busy! I'm not avoiding you. I really REALLY want to talk to you. I swear!

I love you all so much! Just 3 more weeks to go :)

WEEK 7 STARTS TOMORROW.

XoXo

Day 39: Salabasana: Locust Pose

So I delivered an awesome wind removing and cobra this week.... and then there was locust.
What a nightmare.

This was the worst posture delivery I've had yet. We had two posture clinics in one day today so I delivered Cobra in the afternoon and Locust tonight. A lot of people have been saying that by not studying the dialogue as hard they are able to focus more on the bodies... makes sense. So, since I haven't been seeing the bodies and had a fairly good knowledge of the dialogue (no where near where it usually is), I decided that I would test this new method. I should have stuck with my gut instinct. I'm a dialogue girl.

I got up there and completely blanked. Then, because I didn't have the security of the dialogue I was extra nervous. Not exactly ingredients for success. Going up to deliver the posture and just "winging it" ended up with me blurting out random phrases that I could recall, lots of pauses and Ummm's and nervous giggles, and finally ...."get your legs more up Sheron, stop bull shitting" and then, quickly, "change". I immediately regretted testing the waters with this posture. I can't believe I said that. My feedback was that I need to use more variation of high and low in my voice, more enthusiasm, and more energy. They also said that it seemed like I was depressed and perhaps suicidal. I said that it sounded pretty accurate and I couldn't wait to sit back down. The real kicker, and even more annoying part, is that my room mate got up and presented her dialogue right after me, knowing even less then I did and her delivery was 100 times better. I was so pissed. I think the fact that we both did the same thing and she did better is the part that I really can't let go. It just makes me so angry. I'm fuming right now. I should be happy for her because she has so little going for her, but I just can’t. I just feel so drained by her all the time. As soon as I step into the room when she’s there its like my energy get sucked away. She’s a shadow that dulls everything. So negative. I know its not her fault I had a shitty dialogue… but I can’t help but think she is a little bit to blame (she’s not at all but it makes me feel better to not take complete responsibility for my shittyness). I think I’ll be extra rude and ignore her completely tomorrow. I know how uncomfortable she is with silence…evil? Don’t care.   

Its so hard to show myself during posture clinics. Everyone says that I’m like a different person up there. I don’t know how to get out of my own head yet. I know this is the first step and that tonight was a “breakthrough” for me, but its still hard to see it that way. It mostly just feels like a failure. I can see the big picture… it’ll just take me some time to get over this burn. It kind of feels like I’ve hit rock bottom; and when I told my study partner, Dan, this, he said “rock bottom is solid, so stand on it and let it be your platform”. We love Dan. Dan’s the man. Also, this yoga teacher from Vegas, John Salvatore, had this great quote that Dan also reminded me of that goes “If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got, and you'll always feel what you always felt”- meaning that I need to get out of my comfort zone in order to get out of my own head, be better, and improve my teaching ability.

I can see how this is all going to come together in the end… I’m just not liking how uncomfortable the process is going to feel.

OOOooohh sNaP!

Everybody has a break-through week. Some at the very beginning, some it takes longer and they loose their shit @ the very end. I think Week 6 is my brak-down/break-through week.

Yesterday will go down in the teacher training record books for: The day Kat lost her mind.
I was selling front row tickets to the snap show. Very reasonable price (Free).

Yesterday morning was the worst class that I've had here. I was so weak and lazy and ANGRY. I can't remember ever feeling so angry. The internal dialouge going through my head was bonkers.
"this is bull shit, this teacher is the worst ever"
"I don't need this, I don't care, I'm leaving training"
"I'm leaving the room, its too hot"
"I really f*ing hate this teacher, she's so f*ing dumb"
"I'm better then this, just get up and leave the room"

Then once I got up and started leaving the room...

"omg, you idiot, why are you leaving"
"everyones staring at you and knows your weak"
"go back, go back, go back and sit down"
"don't be a pussy, your already standing, theres no going back now"

I left the room for 10 min max then this bitch came out and sent me back into the hot room with no remorse. Then pretty much laid on my back for the rest of the class. I was angry all day and then the night class was my breaking point. My stomach was so huge and hard. I couldn't even suck it in a little. It was resting on my leg in Standing Head to Knee, and spewing over my pants in Seperate Leg Head to Knee. Throughout the class I could feel the bulge in my stomach creeping up my body and I kept telling myself to keep doing to postures so that I would hopefully come out. I was either going to cry, or barf. It didn't really matter because either one of those would allow me to leave the room. Score! Finally, by Camel, I was convulsing on the floor in sobs and left once everyone came out of their second set. All I remember from then on is Niki waiting for my at the doors, hugging her while crying, and then being so overwhelmed that I stumbled into the parking lot in fits of tears and screaming bloddy murder. None of which I had any control over. When I finally came-to Niki was sitting beside me, I had a towel around me, and my neck was cramped from screaming so loud. Once I calmed myself down Niki told me we were sitting on the ramp to the dumpster and there was a massive ant pile right beside us.

I felt totally weird for the rest of the night. Swirling and confussion is all I can think of to describe what happened. I spent the break inbetween class and posture clinic with Niki and Meghan cuddling in bed which was really nice and reasuring.

Today was the day of diareah. My colon in falling out of my ass every 25 minutes or less. I dunno if its something that I ate or just my body reacting and releasing. The smell is undescribable. I feel fine but I can't wait for this to pass.

I'm waiting in anticipation for what tomorrow will bring...

Day 35: Pain is an inevitable fact of life. To suffer is a choice.

Happy 25th Wedding Anniversary!! 

Today my amazing brother and sister had a surprise party for my parents to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversay. All of their closest friends and family met at my grandparents house while my brother drove my blind-folded parents over to the house. They we're completly surprised and unaware. My sister, her boyfriend, my Uncle Brad and his daughter and baby all came down from Ottawa for the weekend as well. I called my parents an hour after the suprised and they seemed so happy and completly overwhelmed to say the least. My sister said my mom started crying and my dad was teary-eyed. Yay!! a success!!

Mom & Dad, I love you both so so soooo much. I feel truely grateful and blessed to have gotten you as parents. Your so loving and suportive of the 3 of us and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Thank you so much for supporting me and accepting my path to come to Bikram Teacher Training. It's so important to me. It has, and is changing my life. I miss you both and can't wait to be home, close to you again. Congratulations on 25 years of marraige. Your 50th is going to be even bigger so if you thought this was big... you better start preparing yourselves now! haha I love you both! XoXo

Yoga practice this morning with no mat = success!!!
VERDICT: yoga mat is a crutch
I had an amazing practice today. It was so freeing to go to the hot room with nothing but a water bottle, practice my yoga, and leave with nothing. absolute brilliance. If my practice can be the same with a mat, and without one... then I don't really need it. I'm not going to lie, I'm definatly going to have brusies ontop of my calusis on the tops of my feet from Fixed Firm Pose, and it did hurt the top of my head to be in Rabbit, but wait- could it just be that I'm just rolling too far forward on my head and creating too much pressure? OOOooohh Yeaaaaah! BINGO. and guess what- I wouldn't have known that if it wasn't for this little expairiment. The lady besire me was not impressed to say the least. When I told her that I didn't loose my mat and about the article I read last night she informed me that the purpose of the mat was to reduce germs and preserve the carpet. She was really annoyed. I think I'll try to practice without a mat beside her again.

Niki taught an amazing class last week which brought me to tears. She ended the class with the Beetles- All You Need Is Love. I was right in front of the podium to make sure I could suck up every word and direction she exspelled. All 400+ yogis sung along with the music at the end which was so moving and heart warming. It wasn't until I gave Niki a hug to congradulate her on her class that I started to cry. She was so happy to see me finally break down (what a bitch) and then made me leave cause I was starting to make her cry. Then once I got myself together and left the room I ran into Meghan... waterworks. The whole rest of the day I felt so disoriented and weird. Last week ended off with Dom, the head of staff, delivering a kicka$$ class which ended with some Micheal Jackson. The entire room was so moved by the MJ tribute that everyone got up and started dancing. 500 sweaty people of all races and religions dancing and singing to Micheal Jackson in speedos and bikini's. AMAZING. Highlight of training so far.

Orsi comes for Advanced in a week and TamRock comes in 3 weeks. So much love. So much support.
I know I keep saying this but- I'm so lucky!!!!!!!

I'm off to mix and mingle with other trainiees for the night. Maybe dinner and a movie?
Enjoy your weekend! I miss you all.

4 MORE WEEKS!!! XoXo

Day 34: At this point you are all acutely aware of how bad you are, but you have no idea how good you are

Sorry its been so long! The Internet here is absolute crap. It pains me to pay $5 a day to pay for it.

Can you believe that its already the end of Week 5!? I don't even remember what happened last week. We're almost done standing series :) we'll finish up with Tree Pose and Toe Stand on Monday and then we're onto the floor. Two more weeks and we'll be done with dialouge. YAY!

The room mate it getting annoying (to say the least). She's a total victim to everything. I like to beleive that there are no problems, only solutions. She beleives the exact opposite. Tonight she told me that she saw the ceiling of the tent for the first time in class today. Whoah! Uh What? (NOTE: the tent has always had a roof, so what the h*ll are you looking at crazy) She's so deep into her own mind. I'm so glad she has this yoga, but its hard to be around someone so self absorbed. Bikram has this great saying "Don't hump the newbies, and don't poke the crazies" haha. Her awareness and ability to see the Big Picture is so minimal. It makes me feel very powerful and lucky for my mental strength and awareness.

Tess sent me this really cool article about yogi's shedding their yoga mats and practicing with nothing but a towel. Here's the link: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/03/fashion/03noticed.html?_r=1
There are a few staff and visiting teachers that at only practice on one towel and thats it. It's possible here because we practice on carpet. Not so viable on the BYKW floors. We always talk about being aware of  crutches in the yoga like water, hand towels to grip or wipe sweat, and objects like bricks and straps to "suppliment" the practice; this article made me really consider the purpose of my mat. Is my mat a crutch?
I'm going to practice without my mat tomorrow. Just one towel for sweat absorbtion and visual territory. I'll let you know how it goes. Because I couldn't post last weekend, I'm going to post again tomorrow. Yay!

Last weekend I did my laundry for the second time since i've been here. I do it every two weeks. My mother is probably shocked by this statement, remembering how I used to do a load of laundry almost everyday during my highschool days with little more then a handful of things I had planed on wearing the next day. Anyways, through this laundry business I decided that i'm not going to wash my yoga gear during training. NEVER. This is either brillient or horrendous-- it's all a matter of perspective in my opinion. I think its brillient, obviously, and feel bad*a$$. Rebecca is smiling with pride as she thinks about all the water i'm saving, I just know it.

I can't think of whatelse to share right now. I'm a little tired on account of all the late nights we've been having now that Bikram is back. 7am wake-up and 4am bedtimes = screw loose brain. Bikram loves to lecture until midnight-ish and then watch 3hr Bollywood films. I mean, it totally sucks but I understand the purpose; when your tired your more open and accepting to new and uncomfortable situations. Thus, expanding your comfort zone. I'll appreciate it later i'm sure, but right now... it sucks!

Still no pictures. My camera is D.E.A.D. I wasn't able to get a single picture with it here. I was considering buying another one but its going to be $130ish for a decent new one and I don't know how my parents are going to feel about lending me more money and then having me turn around and purchase a novelty electronic device. Really though, the pictures are for the benifit of us all... I get to capture this timeless experience and memory of teacher training, while you get a glimps of my life and surroundings here.. Win Win right? Okay, you're going to have to work on them for me okay. Tell them I NEED a camera. If i'm going to make this work we're going to need numbers. The art of conviction is all a numbers game so you gotta help me out.

Time for bed. I'll remember more to share tomorrow + let you know how hot yoga sans yoga mat is.

XoXo Kat.

P.S. Where the F* is Rebecca?! I need to talk to her ASAP.

Day 21: Just breathe. Always come back to the breath.

Everything has been sunshine and rainbows up until yesterday. I think this may be the straw that broke the camels back. I was feeling pretty lonely yesterday as everyone was pairing off to go to the beach, pool, and shopping, so I decided to counter act this feeling with some Gossip Girl, Grey's Anatomy, and Jersey Shore watching. Basically I was a hermit for the day. This is usually nice to do every once in a while, but in this case it was more of an act of rebellion, so in the end I was really only making the situation worse and more difficult for myself. I'm so self loathing.

Last week I wrote Mimosa (yoga teacher that sponsored me) an e-mail, updating her on the program and how I've been doing. I read her reply yesterday which was just updating me on her life, but at the end said "Keep up the strength, but don't be afraid of perceived weakness.  TT is the only place you really get to experience and explore these." I was confused by this statement. How can I not be afraid of weakness? Why would I want to be weak here, and why would I want to explore weakness? If you ask me, it takes far more energy to be weak then to be strong. And I can't afford to be wasting any energy here.
As the day went on I was thinking more and more about what Mimosa had said. And being proud of myself for being able to be so strong. Everyone else seems to be falling apart at a rapid rate. Then I thought to myself, is staying in your room by yourself, not studying, and separated from human interaction really strong? No. Then I felt lonely and called Scott. That was either a mistake or a blessing. (I'm still undecided). He suggested we Skype so that we can see each other. Sounded like a good idea at the time... As soon as his face popped up on the screen I lost it. Crying uncontrollably, huge migraine headache, and runny nose. Seeing him is way harder then talking on the phone and hearing his voice, which isn't hard at all, its comforting while still being unattached. Seeing someone on streaming video is a whole other story. This is the first time I've cried since I've been here. I felt truly weak. All the sudden thoughts of I can't do this, this isn't for me, I want to go home, and I'm leaving came rushing through my head. I never thought I would think those thoughts. Scott was eventually able to cheer me up, which he does so well, and reminded me of what a mistake it would be to leave. Then for about 20 minutes we just stared at each other while I blew my nose a gazillion times and wiped my eyes. The conversation ended with Scott singing "Wonderwall" to me, the only song he knows off by heart hahaha.

After the Skype conversation I felt like I didn't want to be alone so I called Niki (friend, staff member, and yoga instructor) to see if she wanted to have a sleep over. Unfortunately, this guy that she's seeing, Bobby, was there so she couldn't hang out. She asked me how I was doing and I told her about the Skype call with Scott and how I hate the dialogue, how I don't want to study anymore, and that all I want to do it yoga, nothing else. *BOOM* Niki's iron fist. She told me that the yoga is the dialogue and to know the yoga better I need to study the dialogue because that's what the yoga is. There is no Bikram Yoga without the dialogue. She also reminded me that I rebelled against studying all through school as well that that she's heard this sob story before. This is my weakness. Make it my strength. She told me to not half-ass this if this is something that I truly care about. So many people come here without awareness and without knowing what their strengths and weaknesses are. Now that I know, what am I going to do about it. Also, I never really do anything independently. I've always lived close to my family, never lived alone, worked in team settings, and went all through school working in teams. This is my opportunity to be independent and truly discover who I am as an individual. And, there is an end to this (6 more weeks) so while I'm here, be truly present.
- That was hard to hear.

I'm really feeling the distance this week as Oktoberfest, Thanksgiving, and my cousin's wedding were all happening this weekend. I miss home and the security blanket of my family & friends so much. I know that this experience will be life changing, with no regrets- but its really hard. But in Bikrams words "no pain, no gain"

Happy Thanksgiving Weekend to all!!! I miss you all more then words can say.

XoXo Namaste

Day 14: The darkest place in the world is under the lamp

I can't believe its already been 2 weeks... even more unbelievable is that I still have 7 more weeks to go! haha damn.

It's been another beautiful week here. Only one day of rain since I've been here. This week was really good. We had Emmy Cleaves, Bikram's principle teacher, teaching all of our morning classes and lecturing 3 out of 5 days. She's in her mid 60's and is a real lightning rod. I love her. She tells it how it is and doesn't take shit from anyone. She's also a wealth of knowledge and I attentively sat as close to the front as I could everyday to make sure I didn't miss anything. We also had some really good lectures from Bikram this week.

I finally announced my Half-moon dialogue in front of 400 people, including Bikram this week. It went pretty well I think... considering how nervous I was. Now we have Posture Clinic everyday where we are broken up into small groups and deliver dialogue in front of our peers and a few experienced teachers. Then they give us feed back which we need to improve upon for the next day when we present a new posture. Its pretty intense. I'm basically only going to have a day to study for each posture before I present. Should be interesting.

My room mate is still really struggling. She never does full classes and often leaves the room for fresh air breaks. She claims that her body is 'shutting down' and she just can't convince herself to get up and do the postures. She says "I don't know whats wrong with my body". Well, sorry hunnie... its not your body that's the problem, its your crazy monkey brain. This past week has proved the saying that age is just a number to be so very true. I feel like I'm the 30 yr old and she's the 20sum baby. I'm the reality check and fire under her ass. Words can not describe how nice it is to see her leave every weekend.

This weekend I did errands and such. I stayed out of the sun because last weekend I got a burn and Monday morning class was extremely unpleasant. Class is hard enough as it is so I decided to chill out, away from the sun, and do some laundry, grocery shopping, and Jersey Shore watching. It seems like everyone is sick right now so I've been chugging back concoctions on ginger, lemon, and honey drinks to try and prevent myself from getting sick as well.

Today I went to Whole Foods to get a few things for the week ahead. I LOVE Whole Foods. Its the most amazing store ever. Even the most sinfully delicious things are some how organic, vegan, and whole grains. I dunno how... but I guess anything can be made at those kind of prices. Its so expensive! But then again, every grocery store is here. I also walked around a little bit in an area called Hill Crest. Vintage stores galore!!! I bought the most amazing valour jumper for $10 and two tank tops for $6 each. I actually found Marc Jacobs, La Coste, and Juicy Couture there too. I tried it all on.. but of course it was all too big.

All in all, the whole experience has been really amazing. I have hardly anything to complain about which is highly unusual. I think I'm a lot stronger then I give myself credit for because I feel like I'm a statue in the middle of a million melting ice cubes. Everyone is slowly loosing their minds expect for me and Linda. Maybe because we both lost our minds a long time ago, or maybe our crazy cells are just barried so deep that they won't become exposed until weeks 8 & 9. Time will tell.  All I know is I feel stronger then I ever have before, happier then I ever have before, and more poor then I could have ever imagined or foreseen.

Anyways, I have lots of calls to make tonight; Scott, my parents, and Tess... so I need to study some dialogue before I begin my yap session this evening. I hope your all enjoying your single degree weather!

XoXo

Day 6: You don't need a canon to kill a mosquito

Bikram has the best one liners! He just tosses them out right, left, and center haha. I try to write as many down as possible. I'll try to share some of my favorite ones as the weeks go by.

This week was really good. There were some long days filled with 100 half moon dialouges and Bollywood movies that kept us up till 3am. (we wake up @ 7am) It was challenging to say the least. I've come to realize that this is not the time to be going through classes without water. There's just way too much sweating and dehidration going on right now. I've been really focused though, and have yet to sit out a posture or drink water until after fixed-firm posture. I'd say very few people could say the same (if any).

My half moon dialogue is coming along, however, I have yet to practice in front of Bikram because everyone is at the edge of their seat trying to be next. After spending an entire 6 hrs trying to jump up and then be asked to sit back down, I decided that it will happen eventually. I've gotten up to awkward posture (ukitasana) which I'm happy with since we wont be through half moon until the middle of next week- at the earliest.

Last night we had no lecture after our last class which was the hugest relief so my room mate, Laura, and two other girls, one from Winnipeg and one from Texas, went out to this awesome restaurant in Del Mar called The Brigitine and ate the best fish tacos of my entire life! The night ended with us practicing our half moon dialogue on the patio with demonstrators and the whole dining room acting as our audience. Then, this morning we had a 8am class with the rest of the weekend off. Laura went home to be with her boyfriend, and the two girls from the night before and I explored Ocean Beach, a small hippie beach town about 20 minutes on public transit from our hotel. I apologize. No pictures! I brought my camera and discovered that it was dead, which doesn't make sense because I charged it before I got here and haven't tried to use it till now. So now I'm faced with the decision of having to buy a new camera while I'm out here or not... is it worth it? It kills me to see the beauty of California and not take a snap shot for bragging rights on Facebook. I think I'll go to Walmart tomorrow and check out the scene... as much as I hate supporting Walmart, I'm kind of tight on cash. Tomorrow we're going to a different beach, Mission Beach, which we've heard is really nice. I can't wait :)

If you see Scott, give him a big hug for me! He's so lonely at home by himself, and even though we talk every night, I think it only makes him miss me more. Try and help him occupy his time while I'm away eh, he's just a baby ;)

I hope you're enjoying yourselves in cold Canada, I'll be basking in 28 degrees tomorrow- Ciao!

DAY 1: Welcome to Bikram's Torture Chamber. No windows. No doors. Get my point?

TODAY WAS AMAZING!!!

This is where I'm supposed to be. Everything has been happening so streamline and the timing is so smooth for everything, I have to believe that this is meant to be.

Yesterday started off @ 1am when Scott and I left for Buffalo. A small snag at the border (30min), but I was still on time for my plane. First flight of two, middle seat open, and a cool dude next to me who slept the whole way. Then I stop over in Chicago. 30 minute wait, board plane quickly, and again! no one in the window seat this time; the whole plane is full. I slide over and grab the window and this nice lady in the aisle seat tells me I'm her lucky charm :) I'm glowing. After 3 and a 1/2 hours we land in San Diego a half hour early. My bag is the first one off the corral. United didn't loose my luggage?! amazing. After I got my bag I went up to grab a bus to take me to the hotel. It was already waiting for me, I'm the only one on it, and we leave for the hotel right away. Check- in was a breeze. Only 10 minutes (Linda waited 2 hours!!). I'm the first one to my room. I got everything set up the way I like it and had time for a shower before everyone was to register @ 1pm.

As I'm getting ready after my refreshing shower my room mate, Laura, rolls up. 30 years old, practicing for 5 years, lives in San Diego, has a car here, and has brought her entire kitchen and a gazillion groceries with here. "help yourself to whatever you want" she says. I'VE HIT THE ROOM MATE JACKPOT! -later Linda! haha

There were two lectures yesterday and the night off. Today started at 10am with a lecture, another lecture at 11:30 with Bikram, and class at 5pm. Again, had the night off :) The first thing that came to mind while in the second lecture was "Holly has to come here!" dunno why, but seriously, Holly- you have to take teacher training. The class with Bikram was insane! So amazing. So much energy. This is the largest training ever, 483 students from 52 countries.

I need to take this time to say THANK YOU to my yoga crew, BYKW and all my peeps in T.dot. It seems like no one in the states has the support system and community that we have in Ontario. Teachers don't talk to student, let alone hang out with them outside of class. Students can't practice advanced series, let alone know that one even exists, and students who are becoming teachers don't talk to other student who are working towards the same path. Its so insane. My room mate introduced herself to a guy that has been practicing at her studio for the last two years. They both knew one another was going to training by hearing it through the grapevine and STILL they didn't talk or support each other.
I am so lucky.

I need to hit the hay though. Big day tomorrow, starting @ 8:30am with class. I'll try to take some pictures this week and will likely post again this weekend. Just wanted everyone to know I landed safely. Miss you all!

Namaste.

Ground Control to Major Tom

Today I took my last class as a simple student of Bikram Yoga. It felt really good. David Mook was teaching which is always a treat, and all my fav practitioners came to take my last class before teacher training with me and say goodbye. I was pretty tired and sore which was weird since I hadn't taken class in 2 days. 


After class, as we usually do when Lindsay visits us, we practiced a few new moves and stretched out a little more. Showing each other what we've accomplished or pushed pass since our last class together. Here are a couple pics of some tandem moves we were experimenting with after class. 

Floor bow balanced on Scott's feet

Stretching while balanced on Rebecca doing cobra 

Tonight I leave for the Buffalo airport @ 1am for my flight @ 5:50am. It's 8:30pm now and I have yet to pack or memorize half-moon. I figure that as long as I start by 10pm I'll be okay... ha. Intense studying of the dialogue with occur on my flight. I'm confident that I'll have it down by the time I check in tomorrow @ 1pm. Optimistic? 

Thanks to all for your continuous love and support. I'll need it as I embark on one of the largest challenges of my life. I'll be in touch! XoXo 

Tight A$$

OMG I thought yoga was supposed to relax and rejuvenate, not stress and age! Who knew preparing for yoga teacher training would be so exasperating?! In order to try and organize my thoughts, with the intention to de-stress, I made a 'To Do' List. That was a mistake. After filling an entire page with tasks to be completed before I leave in 2 DAYS, I was even more stressed then before. My whole body and mind are tight with anxiety about leaving.

Things I'm anxious about:
- leaving Scott to fend for himself (ie. not live in a constant state of filth)
- getting this horrid economics essay done by tomorrow
- still not seeing my passing grade for Spanish on my transcript
- having none of the dialogue memorized yet; not a single line
- only being able to bring 2x50lb bags with me for 10 weeks
- not having a regular practice going into training
- leaving during Rebecca's last 2 months here before she leaves, possibly forever, to Tanzania

Something positive to talk about though, is this new style of yoga I tried in Mississauga last night with Olia called Power Yoga. The studio is called Power Yoga Canada, should you be interested in checking it out yourself. It's mildly hot, with no mirrors, tones of huge windows, and no change rooms? The no change rooms part sucked, but the class was pretty good. Lots of upward dogs, downward dogs and planks (ie. sun salutations), which I can appreciate for its upper body workout. A welcome change to my yoga practice. Not to worry- Bikram is still my main-man. Power yoga is way different from Bikram yoga. The most noticeable differences being; talking is allowed in the room, practitioners lay feet-first towards the instructor, and tools like blocks and straps are used by 99% of the class. It was a good workout, but I still find Bikram to be more intense.

In other news, Scott played dress-up at work today. Him, and another guy, Steve, had the best costumes. Fingers crossed that he wins for the district and wins the (unknown) hugh prize everyone keeps talking about. I don't know about you guys, but having this picture in my possession makes me feel like I've won :)

Steve & Scott (Pink Ladies)

"Why Your Yoga Instructor Hates You"

While in the midst of procrastinating on my ECON essay I came across this hilarious article called Why Your Yoga Instructor Hates You. It describes ten different situations which a particular instructor finds irritating. I found it to be quite accurate and very applicable to most yoga instructors I know, in addition to many advanced practitioners. 


Click on the highlighted article title and give it a quick read, you'll be glad you did.


I'm off to paint my nails, vacuum, clean dishes, and.... write an essay.


Namaste.

Anxiety Sets In...

Okay, so there's 6 days left until my departure. So far I've read through the dialogue once, and remember nothing. GREAT. Between today and Saturday night I have to somehow complete a 7 page Economics paper, memorize a minimum of 3 pages of dialogue, verbatim, pack two 50lb luggage's + carry-on, buy Vega powder, protein bars, blender, and figure out what kind of produce I can take over the boarder with me.

It's already become quite clear to me that I'm going to be a member of 'Bikram's Dumbie Club', and I've come to terms with that... but I don't want to be at the bottom of my class. What if the dumbies think I'm too dumb for them. I remain optimistic as everyone got certified last year, dumbie or not. I hope to not be the first who doesn't.

Seeing as how I'm the worlds largest procrastinator, I really don't know how I'm going to trick myself into studying yet. What with all the cake eating, Jersey Shore watching, and good-bye coffee, dinners, and drinks I have to do this week.

In addition to all that, I've been carb loading and hardly taking class. Ingredients for success? I think not.

There's already a pool for how many days it will be before I call home from Teacher Training crying. My parents think a week-ish. Scott thinks 2 or 3 days. I'm not gonna lie, I think Scott as a good chance...

Stay tuned, there's bound to be a minimum of one mental breakdown this week. Ha.